The Original Pink Bunny.

I think I've screwed up again. Things were going well, you know? He... was being nice. In fact, he was talking to me for a change, instead of me havindg to talk to him. Do you know what I mean? lol. Like he was IMing me, and emailing me.. and today I think he's mad at me, or at least irritated with me.

All because I said someone's name. Go fucking figure. As soon as I said Madison's name last night, he told me to go talk to that, then. And said that he was going to go play Starcraft. Bah. I wish I could understand this man. I miss the hell out of him. I don't know why I can't just... Stop.

Stop caring
Stop thinking
Stop missing
Stop crying
Stop caring
Stop trying
Stop loving...

Gah. It'll never happen, though.. I can't stop. It's not in my nature, and I love him.

For Good - Wicked

ELPHABA
I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
(spoken) For both of us
(sung) Now it's up to you:

GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:

GLINDA
Because I knew you:

BOTH
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

GLINDA
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

BOTH
And none of it seems to matter anymore

GLINDA ELPHABA
Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a
Through the wood Bird in the wood

BOTH
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

GLINDA
And because I knew you:
ELPHABA
Because I knew you:

BOTH
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

So yeah... I don't know what's really on my mind right now. I'm just chilling.. listening to music lol and thats the song that was playing. it's so pretty, you know? uhoh. I'm making a bad habit of posting song lyrics here xD
I needed to talk to Ander today regarding a wig, I wanted an icon to work with so I wouldn't have to work as much lol. I mean DUNCAN. ARGH! He is NOT Ander to me. He's Dunkie... x_x What's going on with me. Argh.

I wish I woulda logged the convo in ooc this morning.. It seriously had me crying. Keith was being a douche, Duncan was almost being nice... But keith really hurt me, I swear. He was bringing forward emotions that are better left alone entirely. He didn't try to at first, but it went something along these lines. Rough and from memory lol. But you'll get the gist of it.

Keith: Andi! Have you done my wig yet? It's been like, two months.
Ander: O_o I wasn't aware that Andi was your wig slave.
Andi: I'm not gonna do yours because you pissed me off >_>
Keith: D= I'll pay 1m for it right now! And I'm sorry for bothering you, it's just been soo long.
Andi: You pissed me off by losing 325 pts from Ravie. >_>
Keith: D= That was Candie's fault!
Andi: Not the way I heard it.
Keith: And it was mostly your boyfriend's fault!
Andi: Ex btw..
Keith: it wasn't a fair punishment for SKing.
Keith: And he banned me!
Ander: You School Killed in my office.
Keith: So?
Ander: So?
Ander: I went on and on and on
Ander: About school killing
Ander: And then you school killed
Ander: RIGHT in front of me.
Keith: D= Andi! you coulda just been like ''Dunccccy give the points back'' And gotten them back anyways!
Andi: He's my EX!
Keith: I said could have. Past Tense.
Ander: O_o
Keith: Besides. you guys break up a lot.
Keith: You'll just get back together again anyways.
Andi: And Duncan was never my bitch...
Andi: I could never say ''Dunkiiiie'' anything and expect results lol.
Keith: I give you two till Christmas and you'll be back together.
Andi: No.
Andi: I'm not doing that again and niether is he.
Andi: It's just not going to happen.
--blurrrrrry memory for a teensy bit--
-Duncan repeatedly kills Keith just to be a jackass. I'm cool with it. great idea, in my mind.-
--keith appologizes, Duncan doesnt accept the appology. then he does.--
-Duncan logs out for work. by this time I'm crying because I know I had said something I shouldn't have. because it was a big fat lie.-
--we discover that Duncan changed the passwords in Keiths house.. Andi smiles and laughs again at that move.--

Duncan always pulls through in the end and cheers me up. Even when he doesn't know I'm sad. I LOVE how he pulled one over on Keith xD I was so pissed and depressed.. And that made me so happy xD

The moral of the story being that I do have reasons for loving that man. XD He makes me happy for one. It's all in the personality man. And his body is great too. He's just... perfect. It's all relative to a person's opinion, but I say the biotch is perfect.
Ilovehimsomuch=(

I had a lot more to say yet, regarding other stuffs from today... But I'm tired D=

gnight. <3andikins

So... I just felt an enormous desire to type here today. A lot of stuff went down, actually. But... I wan't to start with some song lyrics, cause I'm a loser like that.

White Flag - Dido
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Heh. How's that for telling you what's on my mind. As always... I miss him. And yeah, I know he's still here, and I know we still talk, but goddamnit it's just not the same! I love him, and it hurts.
I'll never have him back.
Today would have been a year and a half, you know. That's a long time.

So today I went trap and skeet shooting for a school field trip -- and it was so fun! I suck, by the way. Apparently I have really good form, but hell, form doesn't get me anywhere if I have bad aim. BUT I was the first to successfully break one of the clay birds. Even if I also hit like the least of them in my group lol. I had a lot of fun, but I'd really like to go shooting with my grandpa. ^^;; that would be even more fun.

After that we went to Devil's Lake. It's so gorgeous! I wish it were always October in Wisconsin lol. This is my absolute favorite time of the year. I'd honestly be content with the cold, and the wind. I like it a little chilly anyways, you know? You probably don't. I think it's better when the air bites a little bit though. I can deal with that. It's sorta refreshing.

But yeah. Been thinking about Him a lot today, and not just because it's been a year and a half. I listened to Our Song for the first time in a long time today. I miss him more than anyone could ever imagine. I'm just... so lonely. And I want to have someone again. Not just anyone... Someone. Him. It never used to be like this... There was a time where I would have been satisfied with anyone. And there was a time where I knew I wanted Him... and there are all sorts of times where I had no idea what I wanted. Like... right now, I know I want him. I know I miss him. I know I love him... But I don't know if I really want it all in exchange for getting hurt again. I want him, but I want him forever. I don't want him for a passing moment. I want him on a permanent basis. I love him, and I'll never give that up.

Great. And now I'm crying again. Why does life have to hurt so bad?

so, I have a lot to say, and a lot to do. that will come later tonight. I'm angry, and its almost time to rant. and I've got happy shit to say too. ^^ but yeah. rant coming later, and I want to code a new layout up tooo. And I think its about time I blocked a couple friends on aim and msn. idk, I need to study too. a lot. but yeah. cant do all I need to on my PSP, so until I get to the computer. later.

"Restitch my ripped jeans
And take the old ones
Take the old ones out back
Sew them tight at the seams please
I've got so many ripped knees, ripped knees"

So, it's been quite the day, I guess. Not really. been kinda quiet. this morning I woke up at 5:30 for jazz band, thus getting... four and a half hours of sleep. I slept through a couple classes x_x

Been thinking about him alot. Everything about him... I miss it, man. Everything. *sigh* but I'll get over it, and everything will work out eventually. It always does. Isn't that a great way to look at life? It's a continual cycle of things working out in the end, until it really is the end. And the end wont come until it's time. So maybe... him and I will never be together again. Maybe we will. So what? If we don't work, at least I learned from the experience, and better things will happen in my future.
The future is bright!
Rofl. But yeah, been thinking about him a lot... But is that really so bad?
Ok. Jaz is frustrating me to the point where honestly, I'm wanting less and less to do with her. And that's.. honestly. As opposed to.. dishonestly? I guess I mean I'm feeling rather strongly about this. Which is really too bad, as she was my best friend.

Now. On the subject of best friends.
I don't even know if I know what a best friend is anymore, let alone who it is. There are a few obvious choices, of course. Let's look at each and their individual qualifications! Woohoo!
Jaz has been my best friend in high school. At first we thought we were very much alike, but after a little bit of time we realized how different we are. And we're only getting more different. We're not only getting different, but we're growing apart. I don't know if she realizes this. But I do, and that saga of my life is coming to a slow but definitive ending. We have a lot of fun together when she isn't frustrating me. Not often anymore, and I don't think she can take a hint.
Maia has always been my best friend. I've known her for over eight years, and though I moved and she didn't, we remain friends to this day. We don't talk often, and we see each other very rarely, but she's the type of friend that will always be there. This I know. We aren't super close, but I'm not afraid that she would ever judge me, and frankly, I trust her opinions beyond reason. She's very level headed and logical. I have and may always refer to her as my best friend. We've changed a lot since we were younger, but that's to be expected. We're the same old buddies at heart.
Duncan. Ah, yes. The ex. That's the only problem with him, is the fact that it can be so effing difficult to be around him. But frankly, I trust him with my life. I know that he would never try to hurt me. And this is the best part... When my feelings aren't getting in the way, I have so much fun with him. For real, are senses of humor match up really well, and he's just a good friend. We've been through a lot in the time that we've been friends. Maybe we'll get back together someday, maybe not. But I'm glad to have met him. For real.
There are a few others, but I don't know them well enough for them to be my best friends yet. Heh. Yeah, I've been making buddies. As far as a best friend goes, I've got none. I've got a few. Maia and Duncan are deffinitely the top though.

So. on to my day! xD It wasn't actually that interesting. Maybe I'll update the next time it is. But for now, I just wanted to blog. For no reason. ^_^

xoxoxo<3Ander